Old Bulletins
Retired!
| Old bulletin board |
| July 20th, 2014 |
Evil snotling caught in the act! House Wittgenstein's home arena was the target of a giant explosion after the House/Chaos Strikes Back match yesterday. At first, many draw the conclusion the terror act was related to the poor performance of the home team. And no one, who saw the game, can blame them for their wrong conclusion:
The two Wight players Ritter Werner and Graf Boris was injured during the three first turns. And Varstank ) tried to pic up the ball ten times in a row, and failed every time. After his last attempt he was pushed out in the audience, (By a fellow player?), which without hesitation killed him.
After the disastrous game part of the arena exploded. Someone who did it had screwed it up - the bomb went off just under the pitch! Saving all the bleachers and people leaving the stadium. But what a mess it turned out to be. The pitch had been made over a graveyard. Corpses and buried body pieces flying all over the place, cowering the exiting audience with a stinking goo.
It was an amature job indeed. The criminal was caught in the act, a snotling named Screwup from the We Eat You. The Altdorf gazette had a reporter in place when the truth literally was squeezed out of him.
"It waaaaas  Kablam  , but he was to injured to do it himself so he told me to do it. No, Max Ernst has nothing to do with it. He is really a great guy. If I have any last word? Before I what? Being ripped apart? Heeeeelp!" |
| - MartinS |
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| July 1st, 2014 |
100,000 gp - highest bounty ever! With a total sum of 100.000 gold pieces, the price on Kablam head is now the highest ever in the history of the league. Despite this fact, House Wittgenstein continues to urge other team to raise this bounty even higher.
The Altdorf standard star-reporter Theobald Eck has spoken to many of the players in the team:
The mummy Uruk: "(long pause) KILL THE UNWORTHY (long pause) MAGGOT-WORM, (long pause) AND (long pause) LET HIS BODY ROTTEN (long very boring pause) UNWRAPPED."
The wight Graf Boris: "Kablam asked for it. Don't mess with the House W. (long horrible scream)"
The zombie Egon Koffer: "All I want to do is eat his little brain."
The ghoul Spindelhjärna: "Who again? Kablam? Sorry, never heard of him? What did he do? Bomb Rangel II? Who is that? A player in House Wittgenstein? Who lives there?"
The Cheerleader Pia Gloom: "(crying) I feel so sad about the small cutie. I want to love him and hug him. (crying even more)."
The skeleton Rangel II: "Is he here now? (his teeth starting to chattel.) I am so afraid of him. Can you please help me hide myself? (one of his teeth fall off and hits the floor in front of the reporter) Aaaaaa, he is hurting me with his evil thoughts!" |
| - MartinS |
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| June 14th, 2014 |
Snotling lunatic finally identified Altdorf gazette star reporter Nicodemus confirms that House Wittgensteins own investigator, Gravedigger Benjamin, has shovel up some indisputable evidence of who has been the brain behind the bomb that detonated in the hands of Rangel II last week.
First, an anonymous journalist saw the snotling in question with other snotlings carrying a big ticking crate in the direction of House Wittgensteins estate.
Second, the felon was seen in the audience with a binocular in the last game between Wittgenstein-Jerry´s Kids by both of the teams coaches. The snotling even tried to give some evil advise to the Norse coach - no wonder the Kids lost by 5-0!
Third, the snotlings name is Kablam. That alone is proof enough!
House Wittgenstein, who only want justice, give a reward of 50 000 gp, for the snotlings head. The Wittgensteins urges other coaches to be generous and raise the bounty even higher. "We have to realize that Kablam is a threat to us all." Says the coach in an official statement. |
| - MartinS |
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| May 30th, 2014 |
Unlucky Rangel blown to pieces "Don't cry Rangel II", Wittgensteins only cheerleader Pia Gloom says. "I said it was a stupid idea to give away one of your ribs to the Ogres. What? God did the same? Do you compare yourself with a GOD? Have you lost your mind? Max Ernst and the other in We Eat You do it all the time? That's not an excuse for you to do the same! Yes I know, those Ulfwereners from the Hammers where after you all the time. Think you where tasty and all. And yes Fenris took the other ribs from you. But Fenris Hammer is a friend now after Amos made him an offer he couldn't refuse. Fenris Hammer, come and say you are sorry one more time to Rangel! He is really low."
Fenris Hammer approaches Rangel slowly: "S... Sor... braaiiin!". A postman open the door: "Special delivery to Rangel! A big box is waiting for you outside. It's from the Ogres!"
Rangel runs out and... CAAABBBOOOOOOOMMMM
"Rangel? RANGEL!!! Everybody helps collect all of him now. AND CALL IGOR NOW!" |
| - MartinS |
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| May 18th, 2014 |
A wishbone to the ogres Dressed as a gravedigger, the Altdorf Gazette star reporter Nicodemus managed to sneak into the Wittgensteins dressing room after the game versus the High elf Ulthuan Firebirds. To his surprise, the blood bowl players didn't celebrate at all. Apart from Rangel IIs annoying gnashing teeth “it was silent as a grave”.
After a while the coach brings some kind of green pie to the players. “Brain?”Egon Koffer asks. “Brain-pie from the Ogres!” the coach replies. “Braaain!” Egon Koffer, Valter Hagermann, Konrad Stegel and Alte Enok yells and throw themselves over the food. Finally some dressing-room-happiness! As a gesture of thankfulness, Rangel II, who complained over some kind of super diarrhea, gave the reporter a “Wishbone” to give back to the We Eat You player Maghtar Faceripper. “If he wears it during the next game, they will start winning!” “How does it work?” Nicodemus asks. “Somehow wishbone cancels out the bone-head effect he suffers from.” |
| - MartinS |
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| May 2nd, 2014 |
Rangel back on his feet after surgery Rangel was completely destroyed during the match. Uspet fans shouted that the team would hire Ivar to heal him. It was just what the coach did.
A satisfied Ivar took questions after the surgery: "In principle, each leg had to be replaced to get Rangel back on his feet again."
"Whats exactly left of Rangel?"
"The fourth vertebra (ryggkotan), three teeth and the left scaphoid (båtbenet)."
"hmmm, is he dead?"
"No, he just smells funny." |
| - MartinS |
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House Wittgenstein
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