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May 11th, 2020
Minors goes Major?!
Dear sport fans!

Jim Johnson here and what news we have for you!

Today we received the information that "The Meal Machines" will be taking the step from the Minor leagues to the Majors.

Over to our sideline reporter fraulein Shönheit.

-Thank you Jim!
So Coach Pertan, what can you tell us about your decision? Why now and foremost why at all?

-Well thats a good question fraulein. First of all because Im sicking tierd of listening to mr Stony Tark about how good and great he is. The minors has become too small for him, according to him that is.
For the second reason, I thought that it was time to try our wings. We are throwing players more than before and sooner or later they will learn how to spread their wings and score some touchdowns.
And for a third reason I´ve heard that this upcoming season will be a short one, and who´s not shortest if not the Halflings? Get it?

-So let me get clear, your entering the majors out of spite to your star player and because halflings are short?? Are you mad?

-Mad, madness is my middle name and my all time favorite coach was MADden also..

-I dont think that is how it works (fraulein whispers)
Lets see where this team will be heading, hopefully they will not get to triple digits before the season ends.
Over to you Jim and Bob!

-Thank you Shönheit, lets hope that the fans will appreciate the upcoming carnage and death.

Till next time!
- Pertan
Jan. 2nd, 2019
New year, new tactics!?
Hello sport fans, and wellcome to another year of Blood Bowl!

We are taking a closer look of a returning team, The Meal Machines, taking on the pitch with new tactics. Our sideline reporter has managed to get an interview with their coatch.

Over to you fraulein Shönheit!

-Thank you Jim! So Coach Pertan, I would like to ask you about your new roster and the missing of player names. What's the meaning of that?

-Well fraulein, its simply because I dont care what their names are. I mean the halflings arent what they once were. Ether they will survive their first match or no. IF they do, well good for them and if not, well I didnt need to learn their names. Simple as that.

-I see, thank you for the explenation. So, you have not had any really good seasons in the past, honestly they have been catastrofical. What plans/expectations do you have for the upcoming season.

-You are correct that we have had some bad luck in the past but depending on the match up, I'm looking for 5-0-0 this season..


-I think we lost the connection to Shönheit Jim.
-Ah yes Bob you might be right. Well lets see what the future holds for those stunty little buggers. Thank you for tuning in on Cabal vision, I'm Jim Johnson and this is Bob Bifford!
-..... but Jim I wanna..
-Nobody cares Bob, nobody cares...
- Pertan
May 25th, 2018
It´s raining m... halflings?!
Hi sport fans, Jim Johnsson here!

And what an exciting match we saw between the halfling team Meal Machines and the elves Bangalore Swifts.
The elves started with the ball and after only two turns the away team was already ahead one to nothing.
Now the halflings had plenty of time to get an equalizer but missing a pick up, (seriously who does that?!) the elves snatched that ball and was going for two nil. But surprisingly one hero fling (they all look the same.. That’s racist Jim. Sorry Bob, but they do) managed to block the ballcarrier with a two die uphill and the ball bounce out to the crowd. The crowd sent the ball deep in to the elves end zone.
Then something happened that would happen a lot during this game, a treeman snatched a suicidal Halfling and sent him flying towards the elves endzone. One pick up later and the game was tied.
With two turns left of the first half the elves could take the lead but a missed pick up (again…?!) a treeman sent an other Halfling that managed to steal the ball from the elves but missed to dodge out for a leading touchdown.

During the second half the halflings kept on raining and making their 6+ landings but the elves managed to hit out enough of the Halfling players to get an 3-1 win.

Both teams coaches seemd to have had a great and fun game and for us viewers as well.

Thank you and good bye!

(But Jim, I wanna say something… -Nobody cares Bob…)
- Pertan
Aug. 8th, 2017
A Dungeon? No we call it a tomb
A joyful team of "Meal Machines" marched to the underground complex where they were to meet the "West side Hartvigs" in a rematch!
Reenforged by Deeproot and Puggy the spirit was high as the result from their previous game was in fresh memory.

But it seemed that the elves had learned not to underestimate the 'flings'. It seemed like the halflings were always second on the ball. After a initial drive from Puggy, almost scoring a touchdown the tides turned and it was all uphill from now on.

The march home was all but joyful. A roster lighter from a couple of players, for ever gone and buried in the dark corners of the Dungeon tomb, the spirits needed a feast to celebrate the fallen comrades.
- Pertan
July 24th, 2017
Double Whammy!
Hi sport fans and what exciting news!
The Halfling team “Meal Machines” met the top team “West side Hartvigs” early Saturday morning (early in Halfling measurements at least).
The game was played right after their second breakfast and boy were they fired up! Thanks to the support off hired Star players, Deeproot Strongbranch and strong man Puggy Beaconbreath the “Meal Machines” were able to get the upper hand in both touchdowns and casualties and miraculously win!
After a well-deserved celebration feast, it was time to play again.
This time it was “Flokis Lok” that stood on the opposing side of the pitch. Deeproot and Puggy were too full of beer (sap for Deeproot) and food after the feast to join the team so the “Meal Machines” were on their own. But overconfident from their last match they took the pitch by storm!
The Norse warriors managed to throw the ball so it stuck in the upper branches of #2 player “Treebranch Rootfoot” and a winning touchdown was made.
We hear that the celebrations of the so called “Double Whammy” is still going on and nobody knows when they will stop drinking!
Stay tuned for upcoming news and updates from what looks like to be the “Underdog Miracle of the year!”
- Pertan
June 30th, 2017
After ”The Massacre”
Screams of terror echo through the peaceful valley of Stockhelm.
Grown up (Halfling) men, the “warriors” of the local Blood bowl team The Meal Machines, lay awake in their beds sobbing or dreaming nightmares about “The Red Devil”. A red eyed monster of a man, fully clad in plate armour, red of their fallen, butchered friends. That player number 3, Lord´s Blade Ciaran, of the “Praise the Sun” Brettonian Blood bowl team will forever be a reason for scaring children and even old men to a soft sob or wailing cry.
The town council has started a formal bill for removing all signs of number 3 in the community, hoping that by doing this everybody can sleep at least a night and not wake up to the screams from them self and drowning in their cold sweat of anxiety…
- Pertan
The Meal Machines
Race:  Halfling
Coach:  Pertan

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  2    Aspudden Agnostics

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  0    Caketown Bakers
  2    Biggie Smalls
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